What Does Sexy Dressing Look Like In Your 40s?

Maybe it’s the aftertaste of the cursed wedding in Venice, maybe it’s that I’m deep in the midst of this season of Love Island (I’ll spare you my opinions, mainly because I mentally check out so thoroughly when I watch, I essentially have no opinions — except!!! When did everyone start exclusively wearing thong swimsuits, and how do these girls stand not getting their nails removed or touched up or anything for like, two months when they have those super long fake nails? I guess those are questions, not opinions, I have a lot of questions), maybe it’s summer — but man, I’m thinking about sexy clothes.

I think those things are making me think about sexy clothes in the way of… what sexy is, absolutely, NOT, to me. I’m not here to intellectualize fashion — I’m guided by pleasure and instinct and desire and all of those things should come into play when you’re seeking sexyness.

I don’t live by any of the guiding words when it comes to style, but years and years and years ago I told someone my outfit made me feel horny, rich, and lazy - and it just sort of stuck. That is the feeling I want, especially when it comes to summer. But what does it MEAN? What does it all mean!

Horny, in this context, has nothing at all to do with sex. It’s the feeling of newly shaved legs, a tactile sultriness and yumminess to everything. It’s also a feeling of being in charge, being in control, and being on. A little funnier than usual, a little quicker and smarter and BETTER.

Rich - the fabrics! They feel gooood. It’s the finer things, sure, but more generally it’s a seeking and savoring of pleasure, unexpected delights, and the kind of spontaneity that can only come when you’re beyond caring what anyone thinks about you. It’s not quirkyness, it’s just….following your own arrow. Also, reading, and knowing what’s going on in whatever spheres you’re interested in. Having interests is both hot and rich. Not much to do with literally having money — you can feel rich and not be rich. (Ok, but I don’t mean rich in the “live, laugh, love” way, I mean savoring the fruits of life, whatever they may be)

Lazy is, actually, kind of what is sounds like. Doing what feels good. Drippy, droopy, floppy, languid. Kind of like….who cares, do what you want. You know?

Essentially, it all boils down to freedom and pleasure and a sense of swimming through life — the combination of those things should make you feel….horny, rich, and lazy.

Here we go:

A sheer skirt is kind of obvious, but it all depends on how you wear it. I like this one because it reveals…but not too much. I wear it with a pair of big old black briefs from Eby. I am very, very enthusiastic about these, but I also like this sheer pair. But if you want something with even more coverage under a sheer skirt, try these.

This is the skirt - it also comes in white, but that feels a bit bridal for me. The black is cooler, and also disguises a bit more of the leg. It gives the vibe and illusion of hornyness, but in reality, gives very little away. And since it falls below the knee, it is also a bit prim and tidy.

I like it best with flats (mine are Margaux x Argent) and a sweatshirt. Always a sweatshirt! Mine is Madewell. I like the contrast between the lace skirt and the sportyness of the sweats — it feels sensual and luxurious and unexpected, and also relaxed. HRL.

It’s also good with a slinky tank - mine is ancient, and is honestly a little too revealing for most of the things I get up to, but I also like a thin cashmere long sleeve sweater instead. It covers my arms, keeps me a bit warm, but has the same cling and drape as the tank top. I tied the sweatshirt around my waist to cover my ass.

One other idea, is….surprise surprise….a button down. I like them oversized and unbuttoned at the top and bottom (this is what I mean), but in this case, I put a big belt around my hips to give it a little more shape. My shirt is silk, and is Old Céline, but I also like this silk shirt from Co. The slinkyness really does it for me. The belt is Polo.

If you need a little bit of height, or want some height, let’s go for a shoe that isn’t so conventionally sexy. Like these Dries wedges that have made it into practically every newsletter I’ve written since I got them. They’re a little weird, AND they give you height!

If a lace skirt feels like a bridge too far, or like…too try hard…I like a pencil skirt. It’s great for covering the top parts of your legs, accentuating your hips and ass, and giving you ample opportunity to rub your smooth, freshly shaved legs together. This skirt is from ALC, and it’s on sale. I love the bright green plus the crinkly satin, but here’s a very, very good one from AYR too in black. And if you want one with a little more PIZZAZ try this! The top is Doen, and I like how open the top is. It’s easy to push over one shoulder to make it a bit more revealing. It’s peasanty and randy and very louche. On the left, I like it with flat sandals - these are old Row, but these are similar. On the right! With heels! From Tory Burch. Again, kind of weird, but not ugly weird.

Ok, this is giving…roll in the hay…AND I’M INTO IT!!!!! It’s the same Doen shirt, just pulled down, and it’s very country bumpkin, especially with the gingham High Sport pants - BUT! The jelly flip flops from Ancient Greek Sandals keep it a little off. Ballet flats would be too on the nose here, and heels….too much sugar for your dime, as my Fancy Mom likes to say.

You could also accomplish this with a wide-leg slouchy pant - it will still give you that slinky feeling, but a little less form-fitted. And if you do it in a tonal match, it will look super duper polished.

So what about a dress! I’m not generally a dress girl, but a little minimal slip dress holds an undeniable power. It is, however, quite bare. I prefer mine with a fancy little opera coat over it and heels. I still get the sensuality of a slip dress without feeling mostly naked. I also try to find one that isn’t cut on the bias — bias cut shows every lump and bump. Then some pointy heels, and bang! Here are some good slip dresses (here, here, here, here, and here) and a great printed coat. The shoes are ancient Saint Laurent and they don’t make them anymore and it’s a tragedy.

Meanwhile, the “jeans and tee” girl is a sexy cliche because it IS actually sexy! Very freeeeee and coooooool and eeeeeeeeasygoing. I feel extremely slinky in this. I like the tee fitted (mine is Flore Flore) and the jeans slouchy and worn-in (mine are Madewell) and then an ultra casual pair of Havianas. If you’d prefer something not so fitted, try this tee - it’s perfectly boxy, but cropped just at the right level to keep the proportions with the jeans. Or, you could go for this tank, which has a high neck (in case you’d prefer to cover your décolletage) and graceful scoops around the arms. And still! If you want to cover your arms, this one has a gorgeous open neckline, comes in terrific colors, is very soft, and long sleeves. Meanwhile, this one has short sleeves, they’re just a bit longer - so they cover a bit of your arms, without being full-on long sleeves. It’s also nicely fitted.

Here, I was having so much fun, and feeling myself so thoroughly I forgot to take photos, and only got video. The easiest way for me to feel HRL is to put on a full, sweeping midi skirt. It makes me feel twirly and happy and sexy and tactile. The skirt is from Co, and it’s massively on sale - the top is also Co, and I love the two of them together, but also love this top with wide-leg pants. Meanwhile, these clonky shoes are IT. I love them so much. I love the geometry of them with this look, but they add a lot of fancyness to other things too. I can really feel my skin in this, you know? It feels great.

And there we are. You’re a pal.

Your friend,

Laurel