What If I Stopped Being Such a Little B***h About It

Making time to make time.

Last week I went to my first big F Fashion party since sobriety, that insane Gucci event at the Chateau with Miley Cyrus. I was so beyond flattered to be invited, so excited to get to get dressed up and go out, so READY to show off this fancy new trick I learned - being around people who were drinking and *not drinking myself*. I felt very, ta-da! Here’s Laurel! I felt so good and excited, but then the day of I felt like I ran face-first into a sliding glass door - mentally, I mean.

I had really wanted to go, really wanted to sparkle, really wanted to feel bright and incandescent and ME - until I really didn’t. Until I started to feel like maybe I didn’t fit in, and without the haze of alcohol maybe my personality is just bad.

(Also I don’t need to hear all of those things aren’t true, I know they’re not true, but stay with me here)

Maybe I wouldn’t know what to say to anyone, maybe I would start crying, maybe I wouldn’t know anyone there. I want to say - “But then I thought, WHO CARES!” - but this is my life and my work, and of course I care.

I want to say, surprise! I went and it was great. I want to say, I took myself out of my comfort zone and it paid off. I stopped being a needy idiot and I had a blast and danced all night and then everyone told me I was a better singer than Miley and I was a hero, and I got so much external validation that now I’m running for mayor of Los Angeles.