Long story short-ish, here’s our Covid exit story from NYC.
Phoebe was born March 2, 2020, Ellis had turned two four days before.
On March 13, Tr*mp made his first news conference about Covid. We had no childcare, a two-week-old and a two-year-old, and a tiny apartment. I started to freak out, so we decided to go to a friend’s house outside the city for a couple of weeks until everything blew over. Ha!
We rented a car, packed just four day’s worth of stuff because we had to be back in the city four days later for a doctor appointment, and on March 14, we left the city.
At that point, I was feeding Phoebe every 2 hours. At 10PM, 12AM, 2AM, 4AM, 6AM, I’d wake up to a crying baby, sit up in bed to breastfeed her, and scroll through my phone to keep myself awake. I’d kind of forget, then be reminded - still half asleep and in a total newborn daze - of the bodies piling up back home, the refrigerated trucks pulling up to hospitals, the field hospital being set up in Central Park - everybody, we, all of us, were living a nightmare.
We decided not to go back for Phoebe’s doctor appt.
A week later with everything getting progressively scarier, it felt like our best option was to go to Texas to be close to my family for help.
So, on about March 20, before the sun came up, we put our two-year-old, three-week-old, and four day’s worth of clothes in our rental car and started driving to Texas. It took two and a half days - we only ate from drive-ins, and only got out of the car to use rest stop bathrooms. Meanwhile I was still bleeding from having given birth three weeks earlier. And we never went back!
Later that summer, we were living in my mom’s guest house in Austin, and our lease ran out in New York. We had movers pack everything in our apartment and put it all in storage. The apartment was exactly as we’d left it on March 14th, when we thought we’d be back in four days. Food was rotting in the fridge, a button down that Phoebe had spit up on as we were running out the door was still covered in barf in the hamper. They packed it all, we’re talking paper towels, plastic take out forks, junk mail sitting out on the dining table, our dressers got packed with everything still in them, while we watched it happen on FaceTime. Surreal to say the least!
Cut to a little over two years later, we’ve just moved in to our first totally unfurnished house in LA. We unpacked all that shit. We got our furniture back, all our clothes back, the kids' dressers full of newborn diapers and onesies, and Ellis’ 2T sized clothes. It was a total time capsule.
I was so excited for it, I felt super ready to confront all of it, I was so, so ready. But I also expected it to be kind of sad and hard. We left our friends, the apartment we brought two babies home to, everything we built basically in the dead of night, and while we were so beyond lucky to have that option, it broke my heart. I never thought I’d leave New York - I wanted to raise my kids there. It was home.
So then here we are, unpacking in LA, living in LA, and I’m going through this stuff, old purses with paperwork from my last OB visits right before I had Phoebe, my old T-shirts, all my old beauty products, and as I’m doing it, I keep expecting to feel really sad. Going through Ellis’ old toys and drawings, I was sort of squeezing my eyes trying to have a moment, and the moment wouldn’t come! And you know… I think between that move and where we are, my life has been flipped 90 degrees so many times, that I’m basically upright again.
Shit happened, and that’s where I am with it. I thought this was going to be a sob-y essay about leaving it all behind when something scary is happening, but I just feel lucky, and safe, and grateful, and most of all ready to move on. I really miss my old life, but I have to make peace with it not even existing for me to miss anymore. And I also know every mother experiences this to some extent: missing the life you had before and feeling totally foreign to it at the same time. I really miss my friends, but I still talk to them all the time, and now that people are traveling again, I still get to see them. I expected to feel some sense of personal tragedy about being reunited with all my stuff, but I actually just felt kind of horrified about how much stuff I have.
So really the thing I *found* is just stuff. There are some gems…wait for it…but more than anything, stuff is stuff. I’m safe, my kids are happy, my family is safe, we’re all doing the best we can.
As my pal Ansley said, “Its that thing where you cant say you’re glad that covid happened but like also without it you wouldn’t be here and here is good.”
So then back to the stuff, here are some of the most delightful things I found.
First is the sweatshirt I bought my first week at boarding school my Sophomore year. The same one - the cuffs are all frayed, I’ve stitched it back together a million times, and it has just really been *through it* with me. I also found my senior year yearbook today, and have been reconnecting with one of my best friends from high school, and while the whole thing should make me nostalgic (again) it mostly makes me happy I’m not in high school.
Second, my favorite dress from my wedding! It’s a vintage Calvin Klein Collection silver sequin sheath, which I wore with these same glitter heels. I felt so hot, it’s still my favorite dress I’ve ever worn.
Next, this Delpozo dress I wore to Emily’s wedding when I was pregnant with Ellis. I love Delpozo, and I love this dress. I really spiraled about finding something to wear while pregnant, and was so happy to have found this on TheRealReal.
Ok, and then this ceramic tiger sculpture, which I got by Dorrie Reid at NIAD Art Center. I love the tongue and everything about it. I’m still trying to find the perfect place for her to go in our new house.
Then the journals….oh boy. Both of these only have about 1/10 of the pages written in, but wowowowowow. They’re from like 2008 - 2012, and so wild. I’m very very happy to no longer be in that place. Note the owl from the “put a bird on it” phase of pop culture.
Next, this framed poster from the 2013 Venice Biennale, from Jeremy Deller’s installation at the British Pavillion. It was a free poster but his work was so great and it was such a fun trip, it’s an excellent memory.
This book, I’ve always been really interested in NY Club Kid culture and I ordered this right before I had Pinky (I ordered it from elsewhere and it was not this expensive…) thinking I’d pore over it while I was on maternity leave and she was sleeping. LOL, but I’m excited to study it now.
And last is this book of NY-centric cartoons and puns, which I bought to look at with Ellis, but is actually more of a grown up love letter to NYC, so maybe one night when I do feel like weeping I’ll read it.
So then for the shopping portion of this rant about how much stuff I already have… I feel like I’ve gotten soclose to the core of myself, and so in touch with the things that are ~fundamentally me~ that getting dressed has gotten a little boring. So here, I present some things that feel outside my comfort zone but I’m enjoying nonetheless.
1) So this is the same shirt I always wear (in white) but this time…in YeLLoW! I don’t really wear any colors except blue, grey, black & white, but I enjoy a little yellow! And this with navy would be so pretty. Or this one if I’m really feeling insane. JCrew shirt, $80
2) Tory Burch is having an excellent sale, and this excellent poplin mini dress is compelling because it is a) short, b) not fitted, c) poplin, and d) leopard print - something I enjoy but don’t often wear. I like that it shows leg but not body-ody-ody. Tory Burch Dress, $299
3) How silly! Are these! Jean Paul Gaultier can top earrings! They sit in your ear with a post so they’re like giant 90s button earrings but they’re JPG and iconic and I want them. Jean Paul Gaultier earrings, $316
4) So these jeans aren’t out of the box, but they’re perfect. I found these in my dresser after the move and I haven’t taken them off. Mine are in faded black, but I’m after classic light wash next (to go back to the fun yellow shirt). They’re high rise, straight leg, and not cropped, but also not too long. Very classic, vintage looking. Slvrlake jeans, $300
5) A red-orange lipstick! I love it on myself but never wear it because I’m lazy, but I’d like to start again, and this one gets great reviews from my pals at ByGeorge. La Bouche Rouge Regal Red refill, $35
6) I love this dress for all the same reasons as the leopard one, but it’s bright red! Even more fun, and the long sleeves are more me realistically. I like short short short but I haven’t worn minis in forever and maybe it’s time. Mango dress, $60
7) Thick hoops! By Jil Sander! Under $500! And SILVER! Jil Sander earrings, $370
8) I only ever wear flats, especially after the last few years, but I’m dying for these Bottega wedges from ByGeorge. I love the square toe, I love the color (dark brown), I love the thin wedge. I love them. Bottega Veneta wedges
9) This Jil Sander tank! On sale! In tiger! Jil Sander tank, $225 (+ extra 15% off)
10) I’ve worn the same pair of Céline sunglasses almost exclusively since 2017, and now I kind of want something fun. I love these from Vada. Vada sunglasses, $420
11) And last, these bright red Khaite boots! Also on sale! Picture them coming out from under those Slvrlake jeans with the yellow shirt. Hotbitchdotcom.com. Khaite boots, $368 (+ extra 15% off)
That’s where we are - lots of red, lots of animal print, lots of hugs and words from me to you, I love you.
Love, your friend,
Laurel