We're Living In The Age of the Granny Panty

And thank god for it.

This post has a lot of graphs and infographics before you get to the product recs, so it’s long - you might want to read it on your desktop or on the app.

The other day, as I finished getting ready for bed - putting on a fresh pair of large, generous cotton undies - I started to wonder about underwear. I have very strong personal preferences when it comes to underpinnings (which I will share towards the end of this post), I have beloved brands and preferred cuts and materials, whereas when I was younger I kind of just went with whatever looked cute.

A large part of my confidence in my personal style has come with age, and with embracing what truly makes me feel good above all else. Do I want to look cute and current? Sure. Will I wear anything “Brat” adjacent? No. There will be no Y2K revival in these parts. I know my limits, and sleeping in a polyester thong is a line I shall not cross (honestly, wearing a polyester thong at any time of day….).

Wearing comfortable underwear that fits or is a little too big has changed my whole sense of myself and my attitude and vibe. No longer am I pinching at a string up my butt trying to project an air of confidence. Never again will I try to ignore an errant bra wire digging into my flesh, or surreptitiously fishhook my boob back into the cup of a beautiful but useless lace bralette.

But like jeans, you can’t be prescriptive with intimates. My body works the way my body works, your body works the way yours works, and almost everybody needs something different. Still, I wanted to do something somewhat comprehensive about underpinnings. So I made up a little poll (maybe you answered!) about body type, sizing, underwear preferences, favorite brands, pain points, etc etc. I probably should have also asked which style you prefer for day to day: brief, cheeky, boyshort, thong… but I forgot. I’ll do an Instagram Poll on the day this comes out.

This is all kind of a lot of information, so I’m going to break bras out into a separate post. But now, I bring you: UNDERWEAR!

THE SIZE & AGE QUESTION

I got 79 people to fill in the thing, and the first question is about size. Underwear sizes ranged from XS - 4XL, with the biggest concentration in size M (34.6%). I did have almost 13% say they wore sizes XL-4XL, which tells me I (again) need to be better about included market picks in those sizes.

Then, because I just needed a background understanding of who the collective ~we~ are, I wanted to know the age range of responders:

I think if more of my readers were in their 20s, the answers would be different, but I basically expected this - most are in their 30s or 40s, or up. Without making generalizations, I’d say mostly gals who have done their time in the trend world and are kind of over it.

THE ESSENTIAL NEED

Ok, so then, the good part - I asked what you need your underwear to do, and this part warmed my heart:

Comfort, y’all!!! Nearly 90% prioritize comfort above all else. Out with the spider lady straps, in with the granny panties and wide, supportive bands.

OK SO WHAT BRANDS DO WE LIKE

I’m going to break this down by size preferences, and our first group is sizes:

XXL-4XL

Respondents noted wanting comfort, but also coverage, and something that will “stay in place without being constricting”. I did ask about favorite brands for comfy underwear AND sexy underwear, so we’re going to go with comfy first:

LEFT: This is a brand called Thunderpants - they’re designed to be “wedgie proof” and provide “ultimate comfort.” They come in a bunch of fun and silly prints and the cotton is blended so that it doesn’t stretch out or bag. The brand was founded in New Zealand to solve a specific problem (horrible underwear made out of garbage materials) and is now based in Portland, OR. I’m into it. Sizes range from SM - 4XL, and they also make bralettes, swimwear, and some clothing!

MIDDLE LEFT: This brand got a lot of shoutouts - It’s called Wirarpa, and it’s sold on Amazon. Sizes range from XS - 5XL, and these are 100% cotton. The fabric covered waistband won’t roll down, and the booty zone won’t creep up. They come in a four pack for $19, so that’s a win. Of over 88,000 reviews, this style has a 4.6 star rating (impressive!) - I really liked this review:

It has been a struggle to find just the right underwear.... until now. Have tried all of the so called no roll, keep you cool kinds. These are so comfortable. They have the wide band at the top that do not roll & I was sceptical about it but.. IT DOESN'T ROLL😃😃. The other brands I've tried & worn would roll into the fatty area in my fronside & it was very annoying to have to keep pulling that skinny little band back up where it belonged & uncomfortable. These little miracles have the wide band at the top but not so wide that it comes under the bra. Some high waisted underwear come so far up that they are hot, uncomfortable and still roll. These gems stay put, don't roll, are soft & are extremely comfortable. The band also gives me a feeling of being a little thinner as well & I feel like my clothes fit better. Ordered another package of them in different colors & can't wait to get them & I will definitely continue to order them.❤️

MIDDLE: Lane Bryant! A classic. These come in sizes 14/16 - 34/36, and they come in neutral solids as well as fun prints. They’re 100% cotton and have a 4.5 star rating with almost 800 reviews.

MIDDLE RIGHT: These are MeUndies, which I know people love. They’re meant to be super duper soft, move with you, quick dry, etc - they’re made out of Modal, which is a soft material that comes from “spinning the cellulose of beech trees”, so I guess it’s technically a natural material, but IDK what other chemicals go into the process of making it? Though Beech trees require less water to grow than cotton, so. In any case, they come in a ton of fun prints and colors, and in sizes ranging from XS-4XL. In addition to these briefs, they make thongs, boyshorts, long underwear AND swim, apparel, activewear, and on and on.

RIGHT: And finally, the one we knew was coming - Skims. Everybody fucking loves Skims - I haven’t tried them yet. While I’m not not a fan of Kim K, I’m hesitant to give her any of my money. These come in a lot of skin tone hues, and they’re supposed to more or less melt into you so you feel like you’re not wearing anything. They’re 100% cotton and there’s really not anything to hate on except that they’re made by a Kardashian and I need to get over myself and embrace them because they’re actually probably lovely.

Ok, so now we have the sexy picks - my favorite answer was “hahahahaha none.” But the only real response was Savage X - which probably speaks to a hole in the market for sexy underwear in extended sizes. I’m not going into underwear that are strictly…for a moment (you know what I mean), rather everyday undies that aren’t strictly utilitarian.

LEFT: Savage X Fenty! This thong is so cute, comes in sizes up to 4XL, and is made to be super comfortable and wearable. It’s made of nylon, which isn’t ideal, but it can’t be all cotton all the time. You can also get 8 pairs for $32, which is great.

MIDDLE LEFT: AdoreMe has lots of very sexy options - like, crotchless options - but I like this lace up thong because it’s V HOT AND HORNY, but you could also wear it with jeans. Actually, scratch that, it is crotchless 😬. Anyway, AdoreMe also has normal ones that are sexy and come in sizes XS-4XL.

MIDDLE RIGHT: Torrid also makes lots of extremely sexy and horny lingerie up to 6XL. These are nylon/spandex, so again, not great for the VJ but very very very cute and wearable. One pair will run you $21 but you can get 5 pairs for $35. I’m not sure how that works, but I’m not one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

RIGHT: Hanky Panky! These One Size lace thongs come in plus (fits sizes 14-24) and are made of nylon, however, the crotch is cotton. These are great, and very comfy, AND sexy. They’re a bit more $$, however, but the brand sort of started the all lace thong movement.

L-XL

Respondents wanted “comfortable but with some ZING!” and something that doesn’t ride up. My favorite answer: “I want to be as unaware of it as possible,” which yes, is the dream. The ideal underwear is the pair you put on and never, ever have to think about again. Here are your favorite comfy brands:

LEFT: I probably shouldn’t have been surprised by this - it likely speaks more to my lazy market editor skills than anything, but I was SHOCKED by how many people said Aerie makes their favorite underwear. Y’all really love Aerie, huh? I think I just always kind of think of it as a tween or teen brand? But then when I took a look, I got it - lots of really simple styles that don’t let your asscheeks hang out (pro tip, if you don’t want your cheeks out, avoid “cheeky” styles. “Cheeky” is just a layover to thong.) I like this pair because I really like boyshort styles, the color is nice, it’s also made of Modal, and they’re affordable - one pair is $8.60, but you can buy 6 pairs for $30. I’m trying these for myself. But still, my personal picks are coming at the end of this letter.