One undeniable benefit of a) getting older and b) the return to self that naturally happened during Covid is — bullshit shedding. Like, let’s just snuggle into our skin a little more and be a little closer to our own internal home. Curl on in there little snail, just get up in all your own feelings and tuck yourself in and go night night. Right? It’s mind blowing to look back at my early 30s, late 20s and remember how much stuff I did (and I’m talking strictly outside of work) that I just did not want to do, but I did anyway for someone else, or for some perceived benefit to something that may or may not happen later in my life. I spent a fuckload, for lack of a better phrase, of time doing dumb boring cheesy shit….for what. Who knows! But sayonara, I’ll be over here on my bean bag chair with Ellis.
And then! This is a topic for another time, or for my therapist, but the hours and hours I spent scrutinizing my body and playing compare/contrast, Jesus, I wish I could get those hours back.
So here we are, me thoroughly in the fuck it stage of my mid-late 30s, and I keep getting more tattoos. I’m more confident in the things I am and like than ever, and also I care less than ever. A dangerous combination!!! I’m solidly in my own personal style, I know what it is (it’s this via Desert Vintage), and I’m solidly in tune with what my boundaries are in life, fuck with me and you’re out. And so? Who cares if I’m creeping close to 40 and sometimes I want to get an impulse tattoo! Who cares about anything! Nothing is real except feeling good.
Which brings me back to my tattoos. After getting my most recent one, I was on the phone with Danielle, and I was talking talking talking about all this stuff just kind of yammering at her and then I was like, oh and also today I got a tattoo that’s, like, me dancing naked with a baby deer. Except brunette.
WHAT!
She was floored, thought it was hilarious, I sent her a picture, and she howled. In a good way! In a look at you just being you just doing something for the pleasure of doing it, making something interior feel exterior, look at you having a moment to just be a dumb bitch and celebrate the (supposed) feeling of dancing naked with a baby deer!
Which I’d never really thought about before, as I’ve said before and I’ll say again, I’m impulsive - more of a do’er than a planner - and so I just do. Permanence be damned! Which has turned into quite a new collection of little funny silly dumb tattoos this year. All maybe marking my Dumb Bitch Period, or maybe the I raised two tiny children in covid and my body doesn’t feel like mine anymore so let me do something permanent to reclaim it - but it doesn’t even honestly matter why or how or when because IT IS! And I AM A WOMAN and I WILL DO DUMB SHIT AND YOU WILL LOVE ME OR I WILL LEAVE YOU.
So here! My first tattoos ever, because they’re more entertaining to talk about than my most recent (arguably in better taste ones). I’ve drawn them, because I’ll leave a little flesh to the imagination.
The very first:
I was 16, I had a fake ID for like, one day, and instead of buying beer my friend Drew and I went to Harvard Square (I went to boarding school outside Boston), and I got a tiny black star tattooed on my inner hip. I got it there because I thought nobody would ever see it, even in my skimpiest bikini. Which is true. I was scared my mom would kill me if she could see it.
I was so overwhelmed with the PERMANENCE and also the ADRENALINE that I nearly fainted and the tattoo shop folks had to bring me orange juice.
The second:
I was actually 18, and one of my best friends, Sadie, and I were on the T on our way in to Boston to go to the aquarium. On the way, I doodled this little feather, and she and I decided to skip the aquarium and get matching tattoos. Mine is on my butt, hers is on her arm. Again, on the butt because I didn’t want my parents to see.
BTW, Sadie runs a very excellent sugaring studio in Portland and so PLEASE GO SEE HER AND TELL HER I LOVE HER. Sugaring > waxing, forever.
The third:
In college, after a long day of drinking at the restaurant we all worked at (RIP B-Bar!) my two friends Kayli, Rose, and I decided to get matching tattoos. We went to St Marks Pl, they got theirs on their butt cheeks, mine is on my ankle. It’s our three initials together - rkl. Awwww.
Maybe I’ll tell the stories behind more! Maybe I’ll do it again!
Maybe not!
So here’s the shopping part - it’s a gift guide, if the person you need to buy a gift for is me. Ha! But really, good gifts for a friend, a gal you love, or yourself.
This is essentially my own holiday wish list, but I’ll do some more for other sorts of people later. Probably.
1. A perfect lilac polo knit! Man, so good. With dark straight leg jeans and a navy turtleneck and some little ballet flats (ahem #10) - this is something anyone would wear about 100x more than they’d expect. $89
2. Dream a little dream for these mustard chalcedony and diamond studs from Sherman Field. These are at the top of my jewelry wish-list, aside from a Sherman Field chain, which is SUCH A DREAM. $2,990
3. Ok, so I got one of these navy sweater vests by Lisa Yang from ByGeorge, ours are sold out, but this one from Jil Sander is ON SALE! And oh my goodness, who wouldn’t love a navy Jil Sander knit for the holidays? Get it oversized and live in it forever. $534
4. Oh Stellene Volandes! The dream! The expert! I’ve wanted this book by her on jewelry for a while. It’s a gorgeous coffee table book, but also a great resource for anyone interested in jewelry and the history of jewelry. $42
5. Cutie pie little printed bag for a boring outfit! Easy! $147
6. Slippers are not a sexy gift per se, but they’re exactly the sort of thing I need but do not want to buy for myself. I like these because they have a leather sole and after years of wearing will get all shiny and worn in and so special. I want them. $99
7. Sure, gorgeous pleat-front khaki pants aren’t exactly a gift in the traditional sense, but fuck tradition, right? I love these! Someone buy them for me! $30
8. Have you ever seen a lovelier comb??? I think it feels so good to comb my hair post-shower (or when I’m stoned) and it would only be better having something like this to do it with. So so pretty. $40
9. Oh boy, this Simone Rocha dress really speaks to me. How great would it also be over those Gap wide-leg trousers? Heaven. I want it. $1,295
10. The perfect! Navy! Ballet! Flats! When I used to edit the Gift Guide at InStyle there was a rule that shoes aren’t gifts. And sure, it’s a weird gift, but these are just so GOOD and USEFUL and will certainly make someone’s life (mine) simpler, therefore, gift away. $235
11. Ok, not to be like every gift is not a gift but yeah sure a chair is weird to give, but omg how much would you like to get this chair? $705
12. A corduroy trench coat. Enough said! Just bought this one for myself. $285
13. Ok and last…… God I love this pillow, it’s so dumb but it gives me THIS PERFECT PHOEBE PHILO PHOTO and one of my favorite little brief chatty essays from Stella Bugbee, which is something I think about often (dedicated readers of the Bugbee era of The Cut will know what I mean). Please someone, gimme two of these. $369
That’s all! I love you!
Love, your friend
Laurel
and the $30 khakis! lol
Thx for the lavender polo rec! I have been looking to recreate the Row look. Bought the orange turtleneck from Tory Burch. 💜