Summer Clothes For People Who Hate Summer

It is what it is!

Listen, it’s not the concept of summer I dislike, it’s the heat.

I like winter! Even in New York, I like freezing cold garbage over hot garbage. I like layers between me and the strangers around me, not the clothing equivalent of single ply toilet paper. I like tight pores and rosy cheeks, I dislike the end of day dusty film of sunscreen on your arms when you haven’t even been at the beach.

Most of all, I dislike the majority of summer dressing. I struggle in the summer to find things that resonate with me beyond wearing a white button down and cutoffs. Which is a fine look, of course, it just starts to feel a little boring, and with every wash my cutoffs get shorter and shorter, stringier and stringier, and before I know it you can see that crease where my buttcheek meets my upper leg, and I’m just not a candidate for that look.

So what’s a sort of tomboyish, sort of preppy, Summer Scrooge to do? Right this way.

(By the way, I’m leaving button downs out of this. I’ve gone there, and t…