Still clueless, after all these years

One of the things I thought was gross/funny about having a little baby was when people talk about the baby needing to be swaddled so they can “find the edges.” The “edges” being the inside of your uterus—if you don’t have a little baby you’ve probably never seen this, but they have a kind of hilarious startle reflex where they shoot their little arms out to the sides if they hear a sudden noise, trying to find the edges and ground themselves. Sleeping swaddled makes them feel like they’re snuggly back inside your body, back within the edges.

When I first heard that I was like, dear little tiny baby, you will spend the rest of your life trying to find the edges.

Things are a little…hazy.

When I was younger, older people always told me how great it was to age because you finally “know yourself.” I thought, one day you’d wake up and be like aha here I am. But my experience in “knowing myself” has really been about finding my limits (the edges!). And I’ve written about this before, but it’…