Old & Horny & Thrilled
It’s hard to know what to say after that last letter! I was glad how well it resonated, but now where do I go? Back to the thing I know best - mYsELf! OooOOOoOOOoooOOoo.
A lot of really nice things have aligned in my life in the last year, and I was thinking this past weekend that I’ve had an exceptionally lucky little journey lately,* but then! I think I’m actually fine-wine-ing. Getting better with age. It’s massively comforting to start to see all that flailing and pretending I did in my twenties and early thirties pay off - I’m like a house, starting to shift and settle and sure some things aren’t where they used to be, but oh boy am I comfortable now. And! It’s only going to get better! (In some ways) Because objectively, I’m still very young! Life! What a gift.
Even with the shithole of the world right now, if ever there was a point in time where I felt horny, rich, and lazy - it’s now. If ever there was a time I felt like I was on a little boat in the Mediterranean eating shrimp with my fingers despite actually being in my co-working space in Santa Monica, it’s now. If ever I felt like my body finally fits and all my jokes are landing, it’s now. I don’t care what everyone else is doing, I’m over here feeling like a dolphin in the sparkling sea.
And about that Horny Rich and Lazy thing, there’s some confusion about hornyness. When I say “horny,” it’s not actual sex horny. It’s a state of mind, a vibe, etc. etc. that conveys a slinkyness in your skin, a feeling of sunshine on your back, a total self-assuredness and on-ness like you’re about to walk in to this dumb party and be bing bang bonging and the most velvety rich thing anyone has ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on and you’re just going to kill it. Lauren Hutton & Harrison Ford epitomize hornyness in this funhouse mirror definition. It’s a Mercedes station wagon from the year before I was born. It's the feeling of putting on dry clothes after a cold swim, taking off your socks and putting your feet under a clean sheet. It's the bowls of cigarettes around the house at Mary Kate Olsen’s wedding. IT’S ME!
RIGHT NOW!
In my motherfucking prime, bitch.
And meanwhile I’m getting press pitches for the “Feral Girl” trend on “TikTok” and I am just…so very glad…I don’t have to do anything that has anything to do with viral trends. Thank GOD I’m too old for TikTok! Thank God I don’t have to try and learn how to do Euphoria makeup! I love all of it, but Jesus Christ I don’t want to have to get off the bench and into that game. I’m just so pleased to be myself these days, to not have the energy to care whether or not I ever get to the same size I was before kids, to get stupid tattoos, to wear $30 Wranglers feeling smug like not spending a fortune on something you wear every day is some big secret. To drink the California kool-aid and hang loose.
THE END
For now.
So, shopping this week is (since this is me-me-me week) are a few of the things I get asked about most on DM’s about what/where they are. These things have also been accumulated over time, in a series of very “know yourself” investments. Most are mega expensive, so I included less insane duplicates where I could find the.
One thing I didn’t include, but is genius and something I will wear all the time is this pair of men’s pants from Uniqlo. They’re $50 and fit like a dream, even though they’re men’s. I can’t get enough pairs of front crease navy ankle-length trousers, and I texted a picture of myself wearing them to my good, brilliant pal/co-worker Ansley, and she responded with “hot 🎷” which means “hot sex,” so I know they’re good. Ansley is a hot ass bitch if ever there was one.
Here’s the rest:
1. This is THE BEST men’s white button down if you don’t want to spend more than $100. This is the one I wear to the beach, to cook in, to play with my kids in, and then also tucked into jeans with a blazer. It’s a really great shirt. I like it in a Large because I like it to be really roomy and tomboyish. J.Crew Shirt, $80
2. I get a million questions about the gold necklace I wear every day, and I can help source one for someone through The Stax - but mine is antique and not this. THIS however, is my new go-to. It’s made of yellow sapphire beads from my chicest friend Danielle’s jewelry line, Sherman Field. Danielle has the best taste of anyone I know, and this little strand adds just the right amount of interest without being glaring. The yellow tone looks great with yellow gold jewelry and is super subtle on the skin. Fine jewelry is a very worthy investment, but if you’re not sure it’s something you’d wear every day (cost/wear pals!) then this little faux diamond tennis necklace serves a similar function. Sherman Field Yellow Sapphire Rondelle Necklace
3. I also get a lot of questions about my skincare. I don’t wear makeup other than tinted SPF, and this cream from Augustinus Bader keeps my face bouncy and clear and bright. It’s expensive, but so are Botox and lasers, and this plus SPF should keep the need for those somewhat at bay. Augustinus Bader Cream, $280 On a duplicate front for this, I’ve never found anything that does the job as well as this, but I’d recommend this Supergoop! GlowScreen to protect your skin and give it the appearance of being bouncy and clear and bright.
4. Another skincare product I love, this one is kind of a sleeper hit, but it’s an amazing scrub & cleanser. I keep it in my shower and love to use it especially after a day at the beach when I’m loaded up on sunscreen. It’s a really gentle exfoliant, and has a kind of cooling/tingly feel on the skin. It also keeps the pores on my nose relatively small. NatureOfThings Facial Polish, $65
5. I have this vest in dark brown and am getting it in green. It is….so horny. It’s silky and sort of shiny, and shows my clavicle and my long pendant necklaces, it’s just baggy enough, just cropped enough, it’s perfect. Calle del Mar vest, $565 This is not the same thing AT ALL, it’s a crystal mesh tank, it’s under $100, and it’s so hot and cool and I want it!
6. These are the only sunglasses I wear, pretty much. They’re a mainstay from the Old Céline days, but they still make them. They’re the perfect size, not too statementy, very classic. I have two pairs I love them so much - one is ratty and I wear them on adventures, and the other is cleaner/more polished for grownup things. Celine sunglasses, $480 And a similar pair for $30, right this way!
7. Ok remember Danielle Sherman, she of perfect taste? I went swimming with her recently and she was wearing this black Eres one-piece. I was wearing the same one in red, but in black it is just *chef’s kiss*. A total classic, and so well-made it will last years and years and years. Eres swimsuit, $550 You can’t go wrong with J.Crew swim, I love the square neck on this one and the low back. Chic chic chic!
8. I have a pair of black leather clogs with a black wood sole and silver studs that I wear almost every day. They were HARD to source in my size, and these are a very very good duplicate from one of my favorite brands, and they’re on sale. Ancient Greek Sandals clogs, $269 And voila, a black on brown pair for under $150. I also love Brother Vellies take on the classic Birk clog with a big old Texas buckle.
9. This bag drives me nuts. I don’t have it, but I want it. It’s perfect. Every time I’m in Austin at ByGeorge I go and stroke it. Like all things The Row it’s insanely expensive, so for now I’ll be happy to just gaze longingly at it. The Row bag Meanwhile! For a really beautiful canvas + leather bag, I love mine from Leatherology.
10. This hat! I got it recently and wear it all the time (even driving) to protect from the sun. And guess who also has one? Danielle Sherman. We both showed up to the beach in them and I was infinitely thrilled we had the same thing. It’s packable, smashable, foldable, perfect. The Magic Hat, $85
11. Back to men’s Dries, I just love it so much. I always am looking for a great navy blazer, and I like how the mens ones from Dries are so soft and easy. I get asked a lot about blazers and Dries men’s is definitely a good place to look. Anine Bing also makes great ones, and my all time favorites are from Blazé. Dries van Noten blazer, $995 Also, gotta love Cos for a good, oversized, structured blazer.
12. The jeans!!! My favorite jeans. Wrangler Cowboy Cut - they’re so good. Mine are the only jeans I really wear now, and it makes my life so much simpler to have one great catchall pair. Wrangler jeans, $30
There we have it! Thank you thank you for reading and subscribing, it makes me feel so good to see people reading these and enjoying them. Thank you!
Love, your friend
Laurel