NY vs LA

I don't know why I'm thinking about this so much, but I am!!!

I’ll start with small talk - living in LA, we don’t really do small talk about the weather because, obviously, it’s pretty much always nice. Not much to talk about. We do talk about traffic, we do talk about how we get where—I learned The Californians is actually a documentary—but the conversation I keep getting trapped in is…. How I like LA compared to New York.

It’s my fault, I lead nearly every conversation with someone new here with “I lived in New York for forever,” or, “We’re still relatively new to the city, we moved here from New York.” A large part of me is still having a hard time letting go of all the things I’m about to say I let go of recently, I still sometimes—maybe when I’m feeling insecure—need to throw in that qualifier…I’m better than you think because I lived in New York…

I still feel a bit of that snobbish pride that I made it there, therefore, I can make it anywhere! But I am here, and I’m finally OK with it. I finally, finally, really love living in LA. And yet - it doesn’t mean that I’ve gotten over New York.

Party Girl, duh!

I moved to the city right before my freshman year of college at NYU started in 2004, when I was 18, I guess. I started college, but college was kind of an excuse to live in New York and start my rEaL LiFe. I got an internship and a job at a restaurant and an older boyfriend and a fake ID and I was just like ready to go. I wanted it all so bad, I remember feeling almost disappointed in how many things there were to do, how much there was to see and be and choose and so overwhelmed I felt like giving up. I loved New York. I slurped it up and dog rolled in it, kicking up my legs in glee. I partied all night, rinsed, repeat, went straight into my job, straight into my internship, straight into class, sailing along, baby, living, laughing, loving, being a real little shit. I definitely had that thing where I was like, I have found MY PLACE.

I felt so free in New York, it felt most like home than anywhere else in the world. I loved that I could be alone without actually being alone. I could be lonely and be in a sea of people—I liked that. I didn’t feel part of a big vibrating pulsing life-source, I didn’t feel part of something, I felt independent. Like I existed within something, but I was fundamentally alone, which I loved.

Anora

This is all before kids. But then even with kids, everyone told me having kids in the city was miserable, and yeah, it’s small and expensive and logistically a nightmare, but you’re never alone, and never bored. I’d toss my kid in a stroller and head to coffee with a friend, or the park with a friend, or lunch with a friend—there was always a friend. I talk about this a lot, but one of my favorite things about life in NY was the micro-hang. You could count on one of your buddies being nearby almost all the time, and you could count on them being up for a walk around the block in the middle of the work day or a quick coffee or snack or trip to Duane Reade with you, and so no matter what else you had going on, you felt plugged in to your people.

And oh man, I found my people. The smartest, funniest, FUNNIEST, kindest, weirdest, best people! Not every day was a great day in NYC, but every day I felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be, doing what I was supposed to be doing.

Everything is inspiring to me there, I’m going to try not to talk about style in this letter because I’m very sorry, but IMHO the two cannot be compared, but I got so much joy and energy just from my five minute outing to grab a coffee. The indulgence and luxury and self-assuredness of NYC cannot be beat. Truly. And the feeling of a hot as hell day on upper Fifth avenue and the mix of people my GOD! What a world!

That said, if you’re prone to addiction, or think you might have, ADHD or if you’ve ever experienced a bad case of compare-contrast, it can be a tricky place. I’m not talking about the it can beat you downs, I’m talking about it can be very hard to stop. It can be very hard to stop what you’re doing and ask yourself…do I even LIKE doing this? Am I having any fun? Is this even any good at all or is it just there and happening and someone told me it was cool so I should go and see and try it? There are so many sparkly people glimmering so bright, there’s so much inspiration to be found, it can be a little easy to let your own edges get blurred, and to lose sight of where you end and I begin.

I’ll spare you the boo-hoo about Covid starting, and how we actually left the city and cut to now: the year is 2025, we’ve lived in Los Angeles since Memorial Day weekend of 2021, and still, after all this time find myself having the same conversation: do I miss New York, would I move back, and which I like better.