Hot Bitch or Hot Slut or Horny Rich & Lazy - it’s a mindset! Not a look, silly! And mid-30’s/40’s+ tired moms, this is our hot bitch summer. I think.
It’s mine at least, the summer of caring less, saying the thing, cuddling, wearing things that feel good, generally feeling good, telling your friends you love them, leaving your phone at home, and letting your flesh hang all over the place. When I was in my 20s, I’d be like, this is my summer, and in my head, it meant losing weight, partying a ton, traveling, having stupid nights out, doing doing doing! Now, “my summer” means not wasting time doing shit I don’t really want to be doing and feeling weird about my body. It’s my hot bitch summer! And while it’s not a look, the right clothes can help get you there, mentally.
Remember all the griping I’ve been doing about the heat and not wanting to dress for it? I’m starting to get excited! Gonna let the whole world see my belly button!
Silly Sunglasses
Needs no explanation! Good for the pool, beach, driving, hiding a hangover, hiding your teary eyes when your child tells you the kisses you give him soak into his skin, go into his heart, and are stored inside a treasure chest there (true story!), good for everything. Start here.
1. Classic white cat eyes! Excellent for beach & pool and will look exquisite with a bit of a tan. Mango, $36
2. Barbie dream glasses! And 30% off ! And Versace! Who’s a silly bitch now! Versace, $263
3. If incognito at the beach is more your vibe - here’s a perfect pair of oversized black sunnies from Balenciaga, also on sale. Balenciaga, $309
4. The ultimate go-to for silly glasses, Loewe! I love these crazy yellow pairs. Very happy, happy. Loewe, $310
5. Oooo and talk about Barbie Girl, here’s a pair of vintage pink Chanel aviators with little double C’s on the glasses. A gift to the universe. Chanel, $375
6. I have these in black and the shape is excellent. But in red - divine! Vada, $495
Slouchy Pants
Slouchy pants, to me, right now give Jennifer Aniston in the early 2000’s energy. Wear them with a cropped white tee or a little sweetie tank. The world is your oyster baby, and with these, you can wear your giant generous cotton granny panties and nobody can even tell.
1. Perfect wide-leg pleat-front trousers. Mega sexy. Cos, $135
2. 90s J.Crew more your vibe? These are…not J.Crew, but they have that feeling. A great cotton twill pant, pleated at the waist, very preppy and cool. Doen, $168
3. A Good slouchy jean is also on order for that slinky, sexy, lower back tattoo and a margarita feeling. Frame, $310
4. And now!!! Linen Viscose flowy cargo raver pants! In NAVY. I am a fan. Vince, $395
5. I love the orange/red of these. They’re in a crinkle silk blend, and look both summery and polished. Raey, $485
Cutie Pie Tops
Something silly to wear with all your new slouchy pants! These will be your new going out tops. Remember those? All of these will look really good when you’re perched up on the top of a banquette spilling tequila soda everywhere and trying to bum a cigarette.
1. Is this perhaps too silly? Maybe! But it’s also cute as hell, and if you can just work up the balls to put it on, it will be one of the cutest things you own. J.Crew, $65
2. No less silly, but less skimpy, I love this little glitzy shell. It would be so cute with those wide-leg jeans up there from Frame. J.Crew, $128
3. I love the mega deep V on this, and the seamed cups, and how minimalist and beautiful it is. I’d wear this one with the Vince cargo pants. Raey, $170
4. I love the little three bows on this - it’s kind of flirty and young but slouchy and so cool. I love it, so much. Bondi Born, $295
5. Ugh, this is not silly, this is deeply cool and chic, and everything positive and lovely. I’d wear it without a bra and feel like angel. Issey Miyake, $657
Sexy One Piece
One thing I desperately want this summer - to be at the beach when I’m at the beach. Not to be worrying about whether or not my stomach skin looks crinkly - which it does, after two kids - so I’m choosing to just not look at it and get a fun and cute one piece instead, which I’ll also wear as a top with my wide-leg pants.
1. I love the square neck here, the lower back, and the ribbed material, the high-cut legs - essentially everything. Madewell, $88
2. Everyone I know who has one of these Hunza G swimsuits basically never wants to wear anything else. The crinkle material is so cool, and they’re infinitely stretchy. I also really like the mega thin strips. Hunza G, $151
3. Ribbed not your thing? Again, square neckline, high legs, thin straps, everything I love in a one-piece. Vitamin A, $190
4. Here’s a scoop neck, and ULTRA low back - a dream. I’m gifting myself this one this year. Matteau, $261
5. And now - the sexiest, splurgiest, hot bitchiest one-piece of all time. Ugggggggggg looking at it makes me feel like I’m on a yacht. Eres, $595
Pillowcase Dress
By “pillowcase dress” I mean something floaty you can put on that doesn’t really touch your body, makes you feel like your naked, and doesn’t necessarily need to be worn with underwear of any kind.
1. A gorgeous stripe, a somewhat fitted bodice, and a swirly skirt. What else is there! Madewell, $148
2. This is true pillowcase material. You can go swimming, then toss this on, take off your wet suit underneath, put your jewelry back on, and then wear this out to dinner with wet hair and literally nothing underneath. That is a summer dream. Vitamin A, $148
3. A mini version! I love how tent-y this is, and the scoop neckline, and of course the color. Frame, $167
4. Another true pillowcase dress! When traveling, this is the kind of thing that could dramatically reduce the number of things you need to bring. Wear it casually, dress it up, get it all wet and sandy, etc etc. Matteau, $400
5. This dress is so unlike me, with the multiple colors AND print, but still I love it. It feels so summery and irresistible. It’s clearly a lot of look, but basically perfect for mega hot days. Alémais, $465
So there! Wear all of these with wet hair and gold jewelry and feel like the hottest babe on earth.
Your friend,
Laurel
Oh my god, the story about your sons kisses getting stored in a treasure chest. It’s a beautiful life! 🥹