"It is unacceptable."

Two things can be true!

This is the thing my friends and I have been talking, when we hit a wall with the truly horrible things happening right now, and the slightly less horrible but still honestly abysmal things — when there’s nothing left to say, the most quotidian drama of womanhood brings us back.

It has taken me thirty nine years and nearly four months to be comfortable talking about this…not even with my doctor! And now that I’ve started, I can’t stop.

Periods. Periods!

This is a totally unpopular opinion, and I get that it is not ok to be not ok with your period, but I am not fucking ok with it. HOWEVER! I am ready to talk about it. I don’t know when the tide shifted in me (HAR HAR) but at some point earlier this year, maybe in the process of getting older and becoming more cool with myself all around I realized that, yeah, periods are weird, and they are also very very funny.

I was in the car with my mom recently, and I told her this story my friend told me — in a nutshell, when my friend was in seventh grade or something, she still hadn’t gotten her period, though all of her friends had. She felt weird about it. Meanwhile, my friend’s dog got her period, and my friend’s mother took my friend’s underwear (this is a seventh grader we’re talking about here) and cut a motherfucking hole in the back of her underwear for the dog’s tail, so the motherfucking dog was wearing my friends underwear around and freebleeding into them. I cannot handle this. AND THEN! My friend TOOK the doggy period panties, and showed them off to her friends, like, LOOK! I got my period! AND THEN! All her friends were like, “no that’s your dog’s period. There’s a hole in them for her tail.”