How I Developed My Personal Style

And some of the things that inspired it.

This newsletter is sponsored in part by J.Crew - one of my all time favorites. As you’ll see.

Last week, I was in NYC for the evening for a panel on style and fall trends with my friends Marjon Carlos, Beverly Nguyen, and moderated by the excellent Kyla Flax. I LOVE public speaking, especially when I don’t have a script, so I knew I’d enjoy the thing, but a word to all brand marketing people, if you’re booking a panel, choose a group of people who already know and really like each other. I’ve fangirled over Beverly forever - I think she’s simply the coolest, and the first time I met her I couldn’t believe how genuine, warm, and nice she is - she’s just fucking NICE….and cool. And Marjon and I have been friends for years, my love for her is well documented (here, here, and here) and I am a massive fan of what she’s built with Your Favorite Auntie, and her newsletter.

One of the attendees noted that we talked about personal style over trends the whole time, and asked how we each developed out own personal style. It’s like asking, how did you develop your sense of humor and personality. How did you develop your taste in books, movies, architecture - if you care about clothing and personal style, how did you become you? It’s a big question, “how does one become themself”?

And think about it I did. Over the next week, going back to the city where I really became myself, with my kids for the first time since we left in March 2020, I couldn’t help but wonder…. (hehehe) about the influences that made me, me.

dELiA*s

dELiA, oh dELiA! Man, if you’re a millennial woman who grew up in the US, I’m betting dELiA*s had a significant impact on your personal style and identity. I’m not going to pretend it was the first time I felt I had a stake in my own style (I was a headstrong dresser from the start), but it was the first time I felt I hardcore identified with a brand, and a brand’s ethos. The nostalgia I feel looking at these makes me feel almost dizzy. Ringer tees with a tiger printed on the front, maxi skirts, platform flip flops, frosted lip gloss and butterfly clips…it’s obviously all back for a younger generation, but it’s a look I will not be revisiting. If you ever wondered where Brat style came from…. I texted that link to my childhood best friend, and she wrote back: “I wanted everything in that catalogue. I thought it would solve all my problems.” Which is funny, but also kind of perfectly encapsulates the power of style and shopping.

J.CREW

When my taste and style graduated from dELiA*s, I sold my soul to J.Crew. In those days, I wasn’t actively shopping online. My mother and I, and later I alone, sat and poured over the catalogue together, we each had a different color pen and we’d both circle the things we wanted. It was the styling, the clothes, the moment, all of it together hit the right note at the right time, and heavily influenced my love for classic preppy Americana. Not necessarily wasp style, more the brand of prep rooted in practicality. I’m obviously not alone here, there are Instagram feeds dedicated solely to vintage J.Crew catalogues. Their influence is undeniable. And in an age where most of us get our shopping inspiration and style ideas from Instagram, or TikTok, or the internet more generally, the moment for an analog comeback is neigh: the J.Crew catalogue is back.

The photography (with spreads Laura Jane Coulson, Max Farago, Dougal Macarthur, and Theo Wenner) the styling, the flat lays, the casting - it whips me back to the origins of my personal style, but also feels totally current. It’s J.Crew at its best, as described on the closing page of the catalogue (a quote from 1986, the year I was born). If you want to get your hands on a copy, you can pick one up at a J.Crew store, or request one through this link.

Everything about it is exactly what I’d hope for, and exactly the kind of thing that gets me excited about retail these days. A return to original values, a return to core brand DNA, but also innovation and novelty. It’s also full of exactly the things I want this fall. Like this leather skirt, this barn jacket, 90s style wide leg corduroy trousers, a cropped leather jacket, and a featherweight cashmere cardigan (in navy with tonal buttons!). The whole thing is just such a treasure, it’s inspiring and nostalgic and reminds me of the basic foundation of what I know I love now - even if my day to day tends to get a little… weirder…

DRAG QUEENS AND GWYNETH PALTROW

Both Marjon and Beverly mentioned movies helping them develop their style, and it took me a minute to realize this is 100% true for me too. But in different ways - Clueless shaped the way I think about girlhood and femininity and friendship - sure at the time I wanted to dress just like Cher but I don’t think of that film when I get dressed now. I’m sure I’m forgetting something major, but the ones that come to mind when I think of the places I really got inspiration, I think of To Wong Fu (the Wesley Snipes, Patrick Swayze, and John Leguizamo drag queen romp through the American south), and Great Expectations. Could they be more different? No - but this is how it is with developing something so personal. It doesn’t make sense until it does.

To Wong Fu!

When I wonder why I love fashion and want to work in fashion, I always come back to the intro transformation scene of this movie. Watching them glam up and get into drag, as a little girl (I saw this when I was maybe ten for the first time?) I thought: I want to be that. You must watch this scene - it’s my favorite movie of all time.