Half-Assing / Whole-Assing

This week was supposed to be about kids getting older, and how some of the bittersweetness of seeing them turn into people is also in realizing you’re becoming less relevant, the omg I can’t believe he’s 5 is also omg I can’t believe I’m 5 years older when I started this and time is passing and I’m going to die one day. How every year they get older is another year farther away from the person you were before you had kids.

But I’m somewhere else, in a related but different thread. My daughter started preschool this week. It’s unbearably cute seeing her with her tiny rainbow backpack that’s too heavy for her to carry. (“Iss hevveee"!”) I live for the photo updates from her school. I’m overwhelmed with joy to see her sitting in a tiny chair in a room full of other babies in their own tiny chairs.

But also, letting go of her little hand, passing her off to her teacher, that cheerful see you soon! at the school gate when she’s screaming her head off - it feels like a betrayal. Her soft ti…