Changes, spirals, and skincare

I’ve been kind of side-eyeing this letter for a month. I don’t know! I’m dealing (in a good way) with a lot of changes. I’m not excellent with change! But still, it’s good.

So much felt uncomfortable, or too painful in the Covid-terror context for me to keep going with it.

Work-wise, doing my old job from the before it was hard remembering how it felt to be with my coworkers every day and how much I loved being around them, being part of that team. How it felt to walk through New York with a really normal set of things to be worried about (not a pandemic), how it felt to swipe my ID card and get into a crowded elevator and go up to our busy office in a busy building and give my friend a hug. To touch someone’s arm when they say something funny in a meeting. To share a cab to drinks after work, driving through downtown with windows open.

It was a little heartbreaking to keep doing that job and trying to fit myself into a space that didn’t exist anymore. It was a little like listening t…