But Daddy, I Love Him!

Desire and longing and meaning and pleasure. (Get your mind out of the gutter.)

If you’re looking to make a difference in the lives of people impacted by the fires in LA, please consider donating to one of the GoFundMe’s on this list, or on this list. Giving directly to families in need is the best way to help them right now.

About a month ago, I wrote something about seeking pleasure through clothing. That pleasure is really at the heart of luxury. Well. My world looks a lot different today than it did a month ago. If you’re new to Earl, or new to me, I live in west LA, very close to the Palisades fire - our house is fine, but there was significant ash that got in, and the house and all its is essentially off limits until it can all be cleaned, which includes…my wardrobe. My wardrobe!

Some of my favorite things: On the left, this Ruadh denim skirt, worn with a black button down from when Comme Si collaborated with Danielle Goldberg, and my Gianvito Rossi pointy flats. In the middle, my TWP button down in lime green with these gorgeous pants from The Row and my very old Row red sandals (which I actually do have with me. On the right, my very cute orange Dries blazer that I got last fall in Paris, with my Indress feather brooch from ByGeorge MY GOD HOW I MISS THAT BROOCH, a bright pink dress I got at Turpan, and my white Loro Piana Rebecca flats.

It feels dumb and disgusting to admit how much I miss my closet - how preoccupied I am with how much my things might need to be cleaned. It’s embarrassing to admit how much a small room full of fabric, sequins, leather, and feathers means to me. When I spoke about pleasure earlier this year I barely understood the joy my collection brought me, and I guess absence makes the heart grow fonder, because I’m literally dreaming about my clothes. I’m also having a hard time giving myself permission to feel that yearning - it’s just clothing! It’s just stuff! Which, yes, but I’m also realizing how much of me is tied up in that stuff. How I became myself in that stuff, how I got and lost jobs, made and lost friends, got married, had babies, went to Prom, went to my first AA meeting in that stuff. How every time I did those thing, I made careful decisions, sometimes spending decadent hours deliberating about which pieces of stuff I would wear and exactly how I would tuck, tie, or roll them.